


Get Off My Lawn

by alifletcher2010



Category: Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2020-06-23 15:37:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19704361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alifletcher2010/pseuds/alifletcher2010
Summary: But so help her, if the idiot at her door didn’t shut his mouth, she was going to put those Krav Maga classes Lorcan insisted she take to good use.





	Get Off My Lawn

Elide had been having a lovely day. She really had been. Her bladder had only woken her up once in the night and she had actually been able to find a comfortable position that lessened the uncomfortable weight of her belly. So she had actually woken feeling refreshed, or as refreshed as you could eight months pregnant. During lunch, her friends at work had taken her out for a pedicure and her poor, swollen feet hadn’t felt this good in months. And she had even remembered to take her antacid _before_ dinner, so her orange chicken leftovers were actually staying in her stomach tonight.

But so help her, if the idiot at her door didn’t shut his mouth, she was going to put those Krav Maga classes Lorcan insisted she take to good use.

“Look, sweetheart, I really need to talk to the homeowner or an adult.”

“How many times to do I need to repeat myself, I am an adult, I own this home. Do you need to see my birth certificate? The deed to my home? Better yet, how about you take your stupid sales pitch and get off my lawn.”

The guy, in his stupid polo and kakis, was probably her age, if not younger. And was seriously in danger of getting an elbow to the face if he didn’t remove himself and his unwanted security system from her porch _right now._

“Clearly, you aren’t listening, girl. Now I realize that you’ve gone and gotten yourself knocked up, but that doesn’t make you an adult. In fact, it just proves that you obviously aren’t capable of making grown up decisions. Now, I need to speak to whoever is taking care of you and the baby about their security needs.”

“EXCUSE ME, you little shi-”

“Now see here, there’s no need for-”

“HEY!!”

Elude and the salesman turned to see a red faced Lorcan pounding up the drive. The kid instantly paled at having a looming male approach him with the promise of pain in his eyes.

The salesman gulped, sure he was about to be thrown across the lawn. If it had been just a few years ago, Lorcan probably would’ve done just that, but years of Elide’s pacifying presence had taught him that there were more effective ways of dealing with idiots. Instead of pummeling the fool, like he deserved, Lorcan smiled a sinister smile, and wrapped an arm around the shoulder of the salesman.

“Can I give you a piece of advice, friend?” asked Lorcan, in a false, honey sweet voice. “When anyone, but especially a woman speaks, I suggest you listen. Because, Mr. fresh from his first year of college and still has pimples, you aren’t nearly as smart as you think you are. I promise.”

“Now,” Lorcan pulled the salesman in closer, with a glint of malice in his eye that would make grown men wet themselves. “I’ve served more tours overseas than I can even remember at this point. I’ve killed men and I’ve made even more just disappear. So, believe me when I say, we don’t need a security system here, because if anyone seems to think it’s a good idea to break into this home, I’ll unleash the unholy terror that is my wife on them. Because son, even I’m not stupid enough to piss her off. And when she’s had her fun, then I get to _play._ ”

The salesman gulped again and looked at Elide who had her arms crossed and eyebrows raised. Lorcan’s grip on his shoulder was so tight that he was squirming to get out. “Now, as you can see we have no need for your security system. And as you have made the very wise decision of insulting my wife in every way, you have thirty seconds to get off my lawn before I stick my foot so far up your ass your breakfast will taste like my socks for weeks.”

The man stumbled backwards in his attempts to move away from Lorcan and landed on his butt. He scrambled away, crawling to get out of there as fast as he could, not even caring that he looked like a complete fool.

Lorcan threw back his head and laughed, but Elide couldn’t bring herself to find anymore humor in the situation. She felt tears start to well up in her eyes. When Lorcan turned and saw the state she was in, he was by her side in an instant, his arms enveloping her as best he could around her large bump.

“Hey, hey, hey, baby,” he said reassuringly, pressing kisses to her head and cheeks. He lovingly took her face between his hands to look her in the eyes. He brushed back her hair, already damp with tears and asked, “Elide, baby, what’s wrong?”

“Lorcan, I’m so so so tired of _this_. Today it was the salesman, last week it was the phone guys asking if you were my dad. Two weeks ago, an old lady in the grocery store told me I was going to hell and so was my baby because I’m a teen mom. I am TWENTY-SIX!!”

Lorcan picked Elide up gingerly,carefully carried her inside the house, and gently settled her down on the couch. She buried her face in his chest, and he allowed her to cry herself out on his chest. He combed his fingers softly through her hair, mummering soft words of comfort to her until she let out all her emotions.

“I’m sorry...I’m just so over it Lorcan. I’ve done everything ‘right,’ like there’s even a wrong way to have a family. But I mean, I got my degree, we have stable jobs, we were even married, well mostly, before I got pregnant. What more do people want?! Why do they feel the need to but in on my life.”

“Elide, baby, it doesn’t matter if you got pregnant at sixteen or sixty, or if you’d decided to never have children. You owe the world no explanation for your choices. It’s your life. You don’t owe anyone anything.”

She sighed and cuddled into his side. Just his touch was helping her to feel calmer, though her head ached from the tears. “I know...it still hurts though. Not to be taken seriously or for people to tell me my baby’s going to hell. Why do people have to be so cruel and thoughtless?”

“I think it people do it to make themselves feel better. Their lives are obviously lacking and they’re insecure and they feel the need to put down others to make themselves feel better. El, I know it’s not fair, but it doesn’t matter what other people think. I know that you know your worth and so do I. You are so good and kind and intelligent. Our baby is going to have the best mother. I’m just glad you’re letting me tag along.” he said with a chuckle.

Lorcan swept her into a heartbreakingly gentle kiss and Elide sighed at his touch. After a long minute they broke apart, and Elide smiled up into his dark eyes. “I love you Lorcan. And I’m so glad your ours.”

  
  
  
  
  
  



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